


Concerning Atypical Heart Regrowth in Nobodies: Saïx Case Study

by dicax



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Character Analysis, Emotional Manipulation, Gen, M/M, Meta, Nonfiction, Redemption, Unhealthy Relationships, axel/saix is implicit but...... this is an Akusai Divorce Informed essay, dare i say, i'm a sad little man please accept my humble angsty wares, in a rut? write a 13 page formal essay, other characters arise but the key players are listed
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-23
Updated: 2019-06-23
Packaged: 2020-05-18 06:36:58
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,252
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19329115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dicax/pseuds/dicax
Summary: Love isn't the only way to make a heart burn.





	Concerning Atypical Heart Regrowth in Nobodies: Saïx Case Study

**Author's Note:**

> oof

 

>   _“Do you see? A heart is just pain.”_
> 
> _“Pain is being human, Xemnas.”_ [1] 

 

It is theorized that once one begins to regrow in a Nobody, “ the heart can [...] be nurtured,” [2]   generally via the development of intense interpersonal bonds with others, friendship, love, and so on. The most generally accepted examples of Nobodies who regrew their hearts (e.g. Axel, Roxas, Naminé, and Xion) all did so, at least primarily, via an influence like that described above. This essay posits, however, that positive interpersonal relationships are not the only method by which a heart can be provoked to regrow, just as they are not the only sources of strong emotions in those who have hearts to begin with. If painful emotions and relationships can have effects as significant as pleasant ones, it stands to reason that a Nobody could, in theory, regrow a heart from the experience of intense internal and interpersonal pain.

This argument is best explained by way of example, as it applies quite specifically to Saïx, Organization number VII.  Saïx, although his outward performance is one of cold emotionlessness, is in actuality neither emotionless nor unsympathetic but is, on the contrary the most immediately emotionally driven character in The Organization from the very beginning. The coalescence of a decade’s worth of manipulation and trauma at the hands of Organization XIII’s leadership (not to mention the vague effects of his possession by Xehanort), along with his own internal struggle with the idea of being incomplete, have heavily impacted him and the effects thereof are much more visible in him than in other Organization members, hence the callous affect he displays throughout the series.

Xemnas states that the apparent tendency toward heart regrowth was only present in some members of The Organization, but that “a number of [The Organization’s Members] unquestionably showed signs of a burgeoning replacement.” [3]   This being so, a member who displayed some underlying vestiges of emotion throughout their time as a Nobody would be more likely to fully develop a heart further down the line.  Saïx, particularly in his interpersonal relationships and motivations, certainly fits this description.  Despite his outwardly cold demeanor, he clearly cares deeply for people even if he perhaps does not believe that to be so, namely Subject X and Lea/Axel. This concern is consistently reflected by his actions, even if it is belied by his outward display of apathy.

His concern for Subject X accounts for Saïx’s original impetus to rise within the ranks of The Organization. In his own words, before he and Lea became Nobodies, they used to sneak into Hollow Bastion, “and we made a friend there, a girl. We apprenticed to Ansem the Wise to rescue her.” And further, that once the two became Nobodies, “following Xehanort’s Nobody was the only way to discover what happened to her.” [4] 

As Saïx lay dying (or, rather, fading away prior to “recompletion”), Lea recalls these motivations, “I thought this was all for her.” To which Saïx responds in the affirmative: “At first. I sacrificed everything to try and track her down,” [5]   and the mere fact that he remained so driven by concern for another person even after becoming a Nobody indicates clear “signs of burgeoning [heart] replacement,” [6]   as Xemnas put it. The evidence for more full restoration thereof is more clearly hinted at as he then  proceeds to voice his resentments against Axel and reasoning behind the changes to his own behavior, saying,  “You're the one who went off and made other friends. Left her and me both in the dust.” He then concedes, “It infuriated me how you just exited our lives. I lost... all sense of purpose…” [7]   When Axel left the equation, Saïx’s motivation to continue pursuing his erstwhile goal, the basis of the meaning of his existence within The Organization disintegrated. 

Thus he reveals the motivation behind the motivation (i.e. that his determination to save Subject X was contingent upon Lea/Axel’s determination to do so and his involvement therein). This is further confirmed when he recalls in Secret Report #6, he had thought sneaking into the castle and speaking with the girl “was all the comfort two children like us could offer. But Lea had other ideas. He was determined to free her,” and this determination on Lea’s part has a strong enough influence on him (as Isa) that he says the next time the two infiltrated the castle, they both did so “knowing only that  we  wanted, with all our hearts, to save her.” [8]   Both the apparent immediacy and intensity of this attitude change from being contented with passively providing comfort to wanting with all his heart to rescue her illustrate the extent of the faith he placed in Lea, a faith which, given the above result of Axel’s perceived abandonment of him and their cause, continued to hold similar weight in Saïx’s mind. 

In light of this perceived abandonment and loss of purpose, which occurs over the course of 358/2 Days when Axel’s attention shifts onto his new friends Roxas and Xion and away from Saïx, a quote he delivers in Kingdom Hearts II, not long after those events, becomes much harsher in hindsight: "Do you know what happens to those who lose their true purpose? Inevitably, they destroy themselves." [9]   And destroy himself he does.

Feeling unnoticed and abandoned by Axel, whom he so highly valued even if he would not have said so, impacts not only his aforementioned “purpose,” but also results in an emotional hurt that, while he may not acknowledge it as such, [10]   is sublimated into rage, a raw, visceral form of anger. As a result of this rage, Saïx begins, whether consciously or unconsciously, inflicting hurtful revenge on the world around him, most obviously through his treatment of Roxas and Xion. [11]   This behavior has less to do with the two targets, and much more to a desire to get back at the original source of the perceived abandonment, Axel. Indeed, it is when his behavior seems more cold-blooded than ever that it most clearly displays the aftereffects of his emotional vulnerability.

This brings us to his combat style, and in particular his status as a berserker, a technique (if one can call it that) founded upon rage. Rage, as indicated earlier—besides being an emotion in its own right—is generally considered a secondary emotion due to the fact that under most circumstances it is a reaction triggered by more vulnerable emotions (frustration, hurt, rejection, fear, etc.). The fact that this is the cornerstone of his combat abilities would imply that his perception of abandonment on Axel’s behalf is far from a first or exclusive source of such emotions in Saïx, though their presence has likely been repressed beyond even his own knowledge. 

His emotional motivation is evidenced most clearly by his ongoing disgust at his loss of humanity, which seems to be a greater and far more present source of distress to him than any of the other Organization members. Highly emotionally driven in its own right, this disgust propels a vicious and self-propagating cycle of denial that any feeling he or the others seem to experience is anything but an illusion—the denial reaffirms his disgust and core belief that Nobodies are fundamentally broken due to their lack of hearts, thus the resolve of his denial grows stronger, ironically, on what is very much an emotional basis. 

Xemnas plays a significant role in the bolstering of  Saïx’s cyclical thinking because, as Xigbar explains to Sora, Xemnas (and Xehanort) “formed The Organization for a specific reason—[in order to] round up a bunch of empty husks,” [12]   and thus ensuring that The Organization’s members believe they have neither hearts nor the potential to grow them is crucial to maintaining order. During Kingdom Hearts II, Saïx begins having doubts regarding Nobodies, specifically Axel, regaining their hearts. After Naminé remarks on Axel being lonely, Saïx reasons that in order for that to be true, Axel would need to have a heart, a proposition that both unsettles him and makes him envious: “He [Saïx] wanted a heart more than anything. But what could he do to get one? Here he was, yearning for a heart so badly, while Axel had managed to gain one without doing anything at all.” [13]   This inclination towards believing Axel (or any Nobody) could develop a heart is a dangerous one insofar as Xemnas is concerned, and thus  he needs to drill into Saïx the aforementioned idea that this potential is nonexistent. He is, however, also thoroughly aware of the extent to which Saïx, unlike most of the others, is affected by this perceived brokenness, and uses it as an additional form of manipulation to both keep him personally in check  _and _turn him against Axel. 

At one point, while Axel is  AWOL from Organization XIII  and essentially helping Sora, Xemnas dodges a question Saïx was going to ask (presumably about Axel’s decisions or Xemnas’ plan for him), not so much as waiting for the question to be asked before delivering a response rife with derisive, condescending overtones:  “About Axel. The poor fool. How long will he keep chasing the illusion of friendship, when he himself lacks emotion? Trying so hard to retrieve what he has lost, when it may never have existed in the first place. He deserves nothing more than our pity.” [14]   The  content of this statement is, of course, not at all aligned with what Xemnas believes to be true, as evidenced by what he eventually reveals to Sora regarding Nobodies’ ability to regrow hearts,[15]   but it accomplishes three distinct tasks:

First, he targets Saïx’s core motivation: the desire to regain a heart/return to a state of so-called completeness, and effectively crushes it under his toe by implying that he may well have been broken to begin with. Secondly, he targets Saïx’s feelings of abandonment vis-à-vis Axel — the idea that he is, or has been, futilely, pathetically chasing the illusion of friendship with Axel since they became Nobodies — and connects it to Axel pursuing the same proposed illusion with Roxas. Thirdly, because Xemnas knows that Saïx will both internalize this and reject it on a surface level, he delivers this as something resembling a reprimand which is  in actuality directed at Saïx, but which is  ostensibly directed at Axel _in absentia_. This leads Saïx, in some capacity, to believe it to be true about himself without acknowledging the fact, and subconsciously project it onto Axel. 

This combination intensifies both Saïx’s foundational level of self-disgust (i.e. fundamental brokenness — perhaps beyond even the scope of being a Nobody, as Xemnas suggests) and the outer level of self-disgust that rests upon it (i.e. shame surrounding being weak as a Nobody, being too affected by the emptiness of lacking a heart). It, in theory, protects Xemnas’ plans by furthering Saïx’s vicious cycle of denial and disgust, which barricades him from believing that he has a heart or experiences emotions of his own. At the same time, as he pins this on Axel and his pursuit of the “illusory friendship” that caused  Saïx so much pain in the first place, it drives an ironic and hypocritical resentment towards Axel based on his own “outer layer” of disgust, that in turn intensifies it toward himself; the thought process being, in essence: “Axel’s weakness in the form of desire to feel emotion/experience friendship  hurt me, so now weakness in the form of desire to feel emotion/experience friendship are that much worse.” 

A further example of this cycle—augmented by Xemnas’ manipulation—in action is showcased during The Organization meeting following Axel’s death. After Luxord suggests that by sacrificing himself, Axel had “won what he’s been longing for,” [16]   Saïx responds with more open vitriol than he typically seems to allow himself: “That’s absurd. He won nothing, and is nothing. He couldn’t stand the emptiness of being without a heart, and that led to his demise. He was foolish, and weak.” [17] 

The fact that his response is not controlled, calm, or apathetic in the manner Saïx typically confines himself to use suggests that the situation is impacting him to the extent that he is unable to control his emotions. This reaction is not a difficult one to understand: Axel, who was once his closest friend, and the cause of so much internal turmoil, is (to Saïx’s knowledge) dead and gone; the conflicted grief alone would be enough to provoke a response. However, Axel, in sacrificing himself for someone he cared about, effectively did the one thing Saïx would find least possible to believe; he exemplified what it means to feel, and did so in a way that couldn’t be dismissed as simply remembering the experience of feeling. This disrupts Saïx’s deepest core belief, and the disruption sets off a line of internal defenses. His denial of the possibility that Axel died for these reasons results in an aggressive retaliation against it. The latter half of his statement, while presented as a critique of Axel, has very little basis in the reality of Axel’s character and is rather a retaliatory projection of exactly what Saïx fears most in himself. It is a death he finds  _imaginable_. 

Even if one is to somehow accept the presence of all this pain in someone without a heart, Saïx’s implicit actions in the background of Roxas’ (and likely Xion’s) return in Kingdom Hearts III are almost impossible to explain without very active emotional involvement, remorse, and a degree of self-sacrificial risk. 

Vexen’s method of atonement for his past errors, as he himself states in Secret Report #8, is “to devise a way to pass on as many of the [replica] vessels as I can to those who truly deserve them.” [18]   His desire to do this arose while he was recompleted, and provoked him to become a Nobody again when he (as Even) was on a stroll which, as he explains in Secret Report #7, “was interrupted when a surprising visitor appeared with an unexpected offer.”  He accepts the offer and becomes a Nobody once again, as it is “easier to gain access to the old Replica Program that way.” [19]   The offer, specifically (as becomes clear in due course of events in KH III) refers to the creation and facilitation of appropriate vessels for Roxas (and, presumably, Xion).

In the same report, he identifies the individual who originally devised this atonement plan of facilitating Xion’s return (and more certainly Roxas’ return  behind Xehanort’s back), in no uncertain terms: “Though younger than me, he'd risen to become Xemnas's right-hand,” [20]   an obvious reference to Saïx.

In his later conversation with Demyx, Vexen reveals (in an aside to Demyx, but not the audience) the identity of this instigator, a person that Demyx clearly (and understandably) did not expect. Vexen’s response to his shock is: “It's true. The whole thing was his idea. [...] He wants to atone too. But, he is one of the chosen, so his hands are tied.” [21]   Further affirming that Saïx both is the primary reason these returns were able to occur, and that he wants to redeem himself after his earlier behavior toward them.

While Vexen and Demyx also participate in this process of atonement, their reasonings are very different and indicate different things about them as people. Vexen wanted generalized atonement while recompleted, that is, the sudden regain of a heart caused the weight of his past mistakes to come crashing down, so when he receives an explicit  _offer_ of atonement  while not a Nobody , he accepts and simply continues to carry out this goal as a Nobody thereafter. Demyx is more or less only involved because it makes him feel useful without having to engage in combat rather than any real desire to atone. [22]   Saïx, however, has a specific and defined goal: he is not simply committing an altruistic act in order to feel less guilty in the apparent manner of Even/Vexen—he wants to make up for his past behavior by rectifying _his_ errors _to __the people he hurt_.

It is heavily suggested (in part via the conversation that occurs between Braig and Young Xehanort in the “Destiny” secret ending of Re:coded) [23]   that Saïx did not spend much time as a somebody after his defeat by Sora in Kingdom Hearts II, nor is it likely that the possibility of a plan such as a replica-based return of Roxas and Xion would have been conceivable at such time as he was. This being so, his plan to atone likely did not come until he had once again returned to his status as a Nobody. 

It is further suggested that Roxas is aware of the fact that Saïx was largely responsible for his return by his response to Xemnas’ confusion when he reappears:

> Roxas: I owe my return to many. Some of them people you knew.
> 
> Xemnas: Ansem the Wise. Zexion…
> 
> [Here, Roxas raises his keyblade at Xemnas, but the camera angle makes it appear to point in 
> 
> the direction of Saïx, who stands to his right]
> 
> Roxas: And others, too. [24] 

This is subtle, of course, and more of an implication than it is a statement of fact. Saïx, currently stationary  but in Berserk form , does not react at all to this, staring vacantly forward. Because his earlier actions so obviously indicate that he wanted Roxas and Xion to come back (and wanted the two of them along with Axel [and by extension Sora] to win), it is heavily implied that he has little control over himself and his actions in the moments leading to his defeat, hence the ensuing battle between himself and Roxas/Xion/Sora.

Both Roxas and Xion are visibly upset during Lea’s conversation with Saïx as he fades away despite having both not only been victims of mistreatment at his hands during 358/2 days, but having  just  been objectively attacked by him (albeit while berserk), suggesting further still that both are aware of the role he played in their returns. (And if none of the above is to be believed as valid proof of their knowledge of the situation, then their mutual, obviously friendly demeanor toward Isa in the epilogue almost definitely serves as fairly solid support that, at the very least, by that point in time they are aware.)

In summation, Saïx, over the course of the Kingdom Hearts series, experiences a great deal of emotional pain, much of it as a result of interpersonal relationships and external psychological manipulation. This pain functions much like friendship and love do in the cases of the other Nobodies who regain their hearts, it “nurtures” a deep, penetrating sense of shame and self-loathing which is frequently externalized as rage, but which nevertheless produces very strong emotions, and—as his actions ultimately demonstrate—a heart. He proves himself to be capable of not only anger both other-directed and self-directed, but also remorse, empathy, and a desire to be  better . The tragic nature of his character being torn apart by emotions he can neither acknowledge nor believe is due to his fundamental self-directed disgust with (and faith in) his own brokenness and loss of humanity, and ironically, it eventually proves to be a result of his possession of _exactly_ that which he believes himself to lack. 

Saïx is, in the most straightforward sense, an exemplification of Sora’s final remark during Xemnas’ death:

_“Pain is being human.”_ [25] 

 

**Author's Note:**

> [1] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019. (Xemnas’ response to feeling an emotion for the first time in decades, that emotion being loneliness; Sora’s response.)  
> [2] Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance . Square Enix, 2012. (From an explanation Xemnas delivers to Sora regarding Nobodies’ potential to redevelop hearts.)  
> [3] Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance . Square Enix, 2012. (v. sup; fn. 2)  
> [4] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019. (spoken to Lea/Axel when Saïx approaches him on the clock tower ledge.)  
> [5] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019.  
> [6] Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance . Square Enix, 2012. (v. sup; fn. 2)  
> [7] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019.  
> [8] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019. (Secret Report #6 [a.k.a. Memoirs, Excerpt 2]; emphasis added)  
> [9] Kingdom Hearts II . Square Enix, 2005. (In an Organization meeting discussing Sora, the possibility that he will diverge from his path/purpose of saving people from heartless.)  
> [10] Though arguably his admission in KH III of infuriation (and later, of jealousy) serves as a partial acknowledgement in the form of deathbed confession, the pattern of Organization members “remembering their humanity” so to speak as they die (e.g. in Marluxia; Xemnas) suggests that this may have been something he was genuinely unable to see in himself before that moment.  
> [11] Kingdom Hearts 358/2 days . Square Enix, 2009  
> [12] Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance . Square Enix, 2012. (Part of the explanation Xigbar gives Sora when Sora asks Xemnas why The Organization lies to its members by telling them they have no hearts/no potential to develop them.)  
> [13] Amano, Shiro, et al. Kingdom Hearts II: The Novel. Vol. 1, Yen Press, 2017. (Delivered in a description of Saïx’s somewhat disjointed, but universally unhappy thoughts as he tracks down Axel when the latter is on the run from The Organization)  
> [14] Kingdom Hearts II . Square Enix, 2005. (Context already mentioned, but Xemnas and Saïx are, notably, alone together in the Round Room at the time of this interaction)  
> [15] Kingdom Hearts 3D: Dream Drop Distance . Square Enix, 2012. (v. sup; fn. 2)  
> [16] Kingdom Hearts II . Square Enix, 2005.  
> [17] Kingdom Hearts II . Square Enix, 2005.  
> [18] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019. (Secret Report #8 [a.k.a. The "Real" Organization])  
> [19] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019. (Secret Report #7 [a.k.a. On the Replica Program and Reanimation])  
> [20] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019. (v. sup; fn. 18)  
> [21] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019. (Conversation between Demyx and Vexen in which the latter tries to convince the former to deliver [at least one] vessel to Ienzo for Roxas.)  
> [22] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019. (End of conversation between Demyx and Vexen; Demyx seems to be convinced to play along under the pretense of “not benchwarming.”)  
> [23] Kingdom Hearts HD 2.5 Remix . Square Enix, 2014. (Braig contemplates which organization member he should use for his own ends, Xehanort starts to say something beginning with “s,” assumed to be Saïx.)  
> [24] Kingdom Hearts III . Square Enix, 2019. (Interaction occurs just after Roxas literally plummets from the sky and interrupts Xemnas, who was about to destroy Xion.)  
> [25] Kingdom Hearts III. Square Enix, 2019. (v. sup; fn. 1)
> 
> \-----------------
> 
> gang i have bargained my life on this theory there is nothing on earth i treasure more. i uh, apologize for the end note surplus, i’m v committed to keeping this canonically supported and don’t like leaving things uncited lmao.
> 
> if anyone actually reads this monstrosity it might be updated with additional thoughts surrounding xion specifically as well as some more abstracted theory regarding the implications my thesis has on how isa’s recompletion would present. lmk.
> 
> in the meantime y'all can catch my sorry ass on **[twitter](https://twitter.com/homerslut)**.


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